🎬 today we will talk about who I am, what I do and what my fears are✨💙 Wanna know what’s my refuge? - the present moment. I sing and imagine the melodies and chords that are not out in the world yet. I found out what my job is. I’m a transcriber of the imagination. I transcribe things that already exist in another plane and bring them to life in this plane.
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© Cantibeall and Cantibeall.com, 2015-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Cantibeall and Cantibeall.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
At the same time that I can be all there is, I am nothing. I am part of the emptiness of this world. It’s a long path but when you start seeing less essence in things, you start noticing more and more the emptiness. And this experience of seeing the emptiness is a rebellion against Natural Selection that wants you to attribute positive or negative essence to things… to people… Remember: You can be all because there’s continuity, a continuity of emptiness… or is it fullness?
22 - YOU CAN BE ALL BECAUSE THERE’S CONTINUITY
A CONTINUITY OF EMPTINESS, OR IS IT FULLNESS?
From my window I can observe the emptiness of the world. Who am I? I’m made of nothing, or everything that I see from this window. It’s just another window from the millions and millions of windows that exist in the world. There’s mystery in everything that I see from here. Mystery of the cold water of the bay, mystery behind the chimneys and the smoke I see coming out of them. I see cars, each of them driving to a different destination. I just see.
Looking through my window I’m confused. Confused like someone who found what they wanted but then forgot that they found. I have this feeling like everything is just made of dreams and nothing is real. And then I remember that everything is nothing. But then what am I made of? Now I feel like a failure. Did I actually do everything that I wanted, or was it just a dream? I went out there in the forest with a big purpose. The purpose of achieving grand things. When I got there I just found the trees and the soil. Was I able to obtain what I wanted?
What will I be if I don’t know who I am? Am I this being this sensation called “thinking”? Am I this huge amount of memory thrown in a body? Am I a genius? I can’t be a genius… Right now there’s about a million people thinking they are geniuses. Maybe my story is just a mask, hiding what I truly am. I’ve had many aspirations, I want to accomplish so many things. Dreams that will not meet the real sun. Dreams that won’t ever be heard through real ears.
I have to confess that I have fears. I cannot attribute too much essence and give too much importance to thoughts, but I still have fears… I’m afraid that I’m the one that wasn’t born for this. I’m the one that doesn’t posses all the qualities for this. Maybe I’ll always be the one that open doors to everyone but when it’s my turn to come in, no one holds it open.
I have this fear of impermanence, even on daily tasks, like going to the hairdresser. I’m always afraid he’s gonna die and he won’t be able to cut my hair anymore. He will leave so much uncut hair behind. I’ll probably… probably die too. All my songs, my videos, my online posts will be left behind. They will probably disappear someday too. All my online posts can be deleted so easily and vanished from the world.
So I enjoy life. I enjoy my songs. Now, in this moment. That’s my refuge: the present moment. I sing and imagine the melodies and chords that are not out in the world yet. I found out what my job is. I’m a transcriber of the imagination. I transcribe things that already exist in another plane and bring them to life in this plane. Everything in my mind exists. I’m not sure what is the material that dreams are made of, but I know I can bring some of those dreams into this world using the materials we have here.
© Cantibeall and Cantibeall.com, 2015-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Cantibeall and Cantibeall.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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